What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 02:20
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why has no country adopted the SA80/L85 rifle?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Is it okay for my husband to help other ladies without telling me?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What is the estimated number of people with an extra X chromosome?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She loved him until the end.
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He knew the spot.
I could never make a relationship work though!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What toxic behavior has been normalized by society?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why are FtM trans just another type of woman?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
What have you learned from your parents' mistakes?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What are some cute picnic ideas for a romantic date?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Put me off passion for life!!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why do companies cull employees during financial downturns without saying so?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She wouldn,t have been !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was 9 years of age.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And who doesn’t know suffering?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Comes on , in middle age.
I will be 64.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was in good health!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was seconnd youngest,
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Who then, do I blame.?
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My family never makes their pension either.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And i lived it daily.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I waited trembling.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We all went to grammer schools
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But, we were locked up after school.
But ive been too sick for many years..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She married twice! .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So whats the point in blame.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I write beautiful poetry .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
This is soul school!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But it wasn’t much.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
When she asked me how she looked .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
All the time i was locked up.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Would this be the day?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
What did i know ?
I was scared of men, in general
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One cannot live in the past .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Ive learnt so much.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I said to her
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why did i forgive my father ?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I don,t even have a pension.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So, i spoilt her more .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I think the readers, may guess!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My life is so biszare .
Im still living with it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We were not on the streets..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I have no regrets .
I was very sick at this time too.
She found it foreign!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Especially a lifetime of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!